I was taking a walk yesterday, talking to God, and I said, "You know what God? I feel like I'm this little 5 year old kid fighting against a 100-year trained expert swordsman, and all he has to do is barely touch me with one finger, and I fall over. But then I just jump right back up with all the energy and excitement in the world, exclaiming, 'You can't beat me! I'm gonna win, I'm gonna win!' And yet I look like a fool because it just keeps happening. He keeps pushing me on over with no more than a tap."
Well, sweetheart, that's what you are. Remember David and Goliath?
"Okay, God, but David actually defeated Goliath. I'm not defeating him."
No, but it only takes one stone - the right one in the right place - and he will go down.
"So what am I supposed to do for now? Because I kind of feel like an idiot just jumping up again and again."
Don't stop, don't lose hope. Keep doing it. One of these days, he will go down.
I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it brought me just enough strength to do it all over again today. I'll just keep on believing God, keep on fighting, even with what little strength and training and ability I have. In my weakness, his power is made perfect. O, I need that to show up and be BIG right now.
2 weeks left. And I am feeling worn down most days. But I have been asking for at least one piece of hope to be revealed each and every day. And I know that he is faithful, firm to the end. So I shall be too.